Unpublished Work © 2011 Cristina Carlino
i’m going on vacation. perfect timing. not because my favorite travel destinations have thinned out at last from the summer crowds or because the airline rates go down a notch or my work calendar says “you are now free to move about the cabin.” but because i can no longer push what feels like a rock up a mountain anymore. do you know what i mean? i have run out of steam trying to make dreams happen on my terms and in my time the way i thought for certain and with all the best intentions would bring the best results for all. the most visible result to me is that i am frustrated. so i’m headed for my “vaca.” have you been there?
frustration is part of the human road map. it’s on every atlas. our bodies don’t do what we want them to do. our lovers let us down, our livelihoods fizzle, our children, who are our very lives get on our very last nerve. traffic makes us late, technology makes us nuts trying to figure it out, keep up with it and fix it. and then there is the world and the future. frustration is global. we all feel it at one point or another. so how do we get to points unknown?
what should i pack? what to leave behind? because i know it is time to go. so i’m not taking my favorite sweater or necklace and i’m certainly not taking my shoes with the dressy heels. in fact, on this adventure i will be barefooted. this trip will be carry on only. i’m not bringing my laptop but my arms will be wide open and lifted toward the sky. stopping, being still and just listening is what is called for now. once i would have thought of that as a luxury spot to go to. today i know it is my necessity. because with frustration comes fear. and it breeds more fear and false beliefs that we are in control. letting go is not easy and may not feel very familiar. but it is our steps back that welcome our personal god back home to be almighty. and with these steps, i am headed to a personal terrain in my own home where i will have my courageous expedition. stopping, looking and listening to my heart. what could be more relaxing?
i will send you a postcard shortly!
peace and blessings