Unpublished Work © 2011 Cristina Carlino
did you have a special diary when you were young girl? can you still see its perfect color and remember how it felt to clasp the shiny lock shut, knowing your most sacred secrets could stay safe in a world where only you held the key? years go by and our deep secrets secured may no longer be so safe for our souls and health to hold onto. our self expression grows. our need to be intimate with ourselves and others blossoms. the feelings and memories once of excruciating significance have birthed and rebirthed a thousand times over.
i don’t remember having a special diary when i was a young girl and i have not kept an actual journal (before i published “the changing room”, ) but i have never stopped writing my thoughts and feelings and memories of my moments in time on notebooks and notepads and napkins, love letters , poems and photographs and pretty much anything I could get words onto. wherever my words have landed, they all have one thing in common. they are the mirror that sees through me.
i see now that our lives are our living journals. everything we touch. when i listen to all the songs or poems i have written each one chronicles the “me” i was at the time in my life when i wrote it and the perceptions that were only as valid as my age would allow them to be. there are the canvases we have painted; a party dress sewn, videos we have taken on our travels and a recording of the voices of our grandparents we taped at a backyard picnic. there’s the journaling visible in the beautiful growing faces of our children, the eternal memory of a laugh that traveled the distance between ourselves and a forever faithful friend and a rose bush we planted one spring in our garden. each journal entry is a mark or a question mark on our path. and so are the expressions of others for us. that one day my poems would be included on bottles of product that millions of women and men would see daily never could have crossed my imagination back before i created my skincare companies. and we never know what tomorrow may bring.
today i am discovering a song i wrote about 18 months after i sold philosophy. the song captures me as a then neglected woman and an overworked mama.
it is called “hands and knees” and is posted for listening to on my facebook page. and i will tell you more about the time it journals in my next blog. like all of our journals, it was a prelude for me of what was to come next.
may we find our diaries of yesterday and keep our journals from today, if we wish, to look back on who we were without self judgment and always move forward with more love. grow, grow and then live some more. this is what we are here for.
i would love to know what is your life journaling today? where is your word, your touch making its lovely mark?
peace and blessings