Tag Archives: journal

standing in our truth

cristina carlinoUnpublished Work © 2011 Cristina Carlino

last week in my blog about journaling, i mentioned a song i wrote called “hands and knees”  that i would love to tell you about today.  music is the heart and soul of my life journal. the songs i write or in this case co-wrote with stuart mathis are not born in between the pages of a book’s binding, they all speak to the time in my journey that i never want to forget.   hands and knees was written about 18 months after  i sold the company i founded and created called philosophy.

for the past thirty years i have been a recognized authority on beauty.  today, i know my true expertise comes primarily from being the only person who will ever live my life.  our life experiences are what we have to share.  over the next several weeks, that is what i will be doing sharing  parts of my story with you that until now have lived inside of me.

so looking back, here’s how “hands and knees” came to be:    it was a crisp fall morning  at  philosophy  and like many other mornings, i was  in an overly caffeinated conference room filled with many other wonderful women.  we all worked together in a culture we strived to create as supportive.   these women are both mothers and not mothers, married and single, overloaded with responsibilities, beautiful, competent sisters  and i was suddenly struck by a  profound site of overworked, under loved super girls.  we were sharing a silent collective moment i call the breaking point.   the breaking point is  not a power point presentation.   you don’t actually see it till it breaks.   but i sensed clearly it was on its way.   what i was not able to see in that moment was how forcefully it was coming for me, too.  but i  heard  a few words in my mind that become part of the chorus to this song:

“honey my hands and knees have grown tired from the road

i need relief

honey i’m beat from a broken heavy load.”

now a girl is a girl is a honey is a girl and i believe the truest part of our feminity is our vulnerability.  our bodies are more vulnerable, our sensibilities and sensitivities on 24 hour alert.  our lives are packed with jobs and responsibilities to ourselves and others with or without children even before we show up to where we actually earn our living.  we may recall when we were little children waiting for the slow, slow time to pass until we became grown- ups.  then, at last we would be vulnerable no longer.  we would be free.   now we know to love is to be vulnerable.  and to live is to be vulnerable. to never have enough hours in a day is “grown up.”   to do so silently and without enough nourishment day after day as we take constant beatings with our own sticks that remind us we have got to be more, and aren’t doing it all to perfection can make us very unsafe.

the freedom we were waiting for comes now in being there for each other while we’re getting “the job” done.  this is how we lighten the load.   whether in a corporation, a small business, or doing the work of raising our children at home.  so I’m wondering, how are you doing this today?

do you reminding each other to take a lunch break?

do you take a moment to listen to someone who really needs to be heard?

do you offer a loving smile just because she looks like she could use it?

when you go in the bathroom, can you look in mirror and say “i love you” just because you need it most of all?

do you make it your business to have a good laugh with someone at least once during the day – no matter what?

can a single moment of being still be as essential as your morning cup of coffee?

i wrote powerful lyrics and melody lines for “hands and knees” so i might stand in my truth side by side women trying to stand in their truth.  “honey i’m beat” was the battle cry in each chorus.  i will tell you more about the stories behind the verses of hands and knees’s in next week’s blog.

until then, please think of an expression i told myself everyday/during that time. “this too shall pass.” each one of our songs seems to follow the next. the next chorus of “hands and knees” was the prelude to the song that came after which would journal the moment that brought me to my breaking point. that song in turn ended up being the opening to my next miracle. discovering the woman i was always meant to be. right here with you. and i am so very grateful.

peace and blessings,

cristina

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words on life

Unpublished Work © 2011 Cristina Carlino

cristina carlinodid you have a special diary when you were young girl?  can you still see its perfect color and remember how  it felt to clasp the shiny lock shut, knowing  your most sacred secrets  could stay safe in a world where only you held the key?    years go by and our deep secrets secured may no longer be so safe for our souls and health to hold onto.   our self expression grows.  our need to be intimate with ourselves and others blossoms.   the feelings and memories once of excruciating  significance have birthed and rebirthed a thousand times over.

i don’t remember having a special diary when i was a young girl and i have not kept  an actual journal  (before i published  “the changing room”, )  but i have never stopped writing my thoughts and feelings and memories of my moments in time on notebooks and notepads and napkins, love letters , poems  and photographs and pretty much anything I could get words onto.  wherever my words have landed, they all have one thing in common.  they are the mirror that sees through me.

i see now that our lives are our living journals.   everything we touch.  when i listen to all the songs or poems  i have written  each one chronicles the “me” i was at the time  in my life when i wrote it and the perceptions that were only as valid as my age would allow them to be. there are the canvases  we have painted; a party dress sewn, videos we have taken on  our travels and a recording  of the voices of our grandparents we taped at a backyard picnic.  there’s  the journaling visible in the beautiful growing faces of our children, the eternal memory  of a laugh that  traveled the distance between ourselves and a  forever faithful friend and a rose bush we planted one spring  in our garden.   each journal entry is a mark or a question mark on our path.   and so are the expressions of others for us.   that one day my poems would be included on bottles  of product that millions of women and men would see daily  never could have crossed my imagination back before i created my skincare companies.   and we never know what tomorrow may bring.

today i am discovering a song i wrote about 18 months after i sold philosophy.    the song captures me as a then neglected woman and an overworked mama.

it is called “hands and knees” and is  posted for listening to  on my facebook  page.  and  i will tell you more about the time it  journals in my next blog.  like all of our journals, it was a prelude for me of what was to come next.

may we find our diaries of yesterday  and keep our journals from today,  if we wish,  to look back on who we were without  self judgment and always move forward with more love.   grow, grow and then live some more.  this is what we are here for.

i would love to know what is your life journaling today?   where is your word, your touch making its lovely mark?

peace and blessings

cristina